Just Another Quiet Day In Bayville
by Red Witch
Summary: A typical day at the Institute leads to typical madness and complaints from the police in this fun little one shot. Typical.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters is gone to who knows where. I just had this mad idea for a one shot fic and it wouldn't stop. Just enjoy the madness while it lasts. Takes place during Evolution XMJ shortly after the Exiles incidents. **

**Just Another Quiet Day in Bayville**

"I thought the Professor and Hank would have been back by now," Scott remarked to Logan as they walked into the hallway near the front door.

"Well they did have to go to Washington DC for that televised discussion on mutant rights," Logan pointed out. "I wonder how it was?"

"I can't believe none of us watched it!" Scott said.

"Well it did have a huge scheduling conflict," Logan said wryly. "Besides I didn't see **you **changing the channel or going into another room to see it."

"Fine! I admit it! Jean got me hooked on American Idol like everyone else!" Scott threw up his hands. "Besides we did tape it anyway. We can watch it later."

"Yeah most of the kids don't even watch TV anymore," Logan said. "And I can't say I blame 'em with all the anti-mutant sentiment going on."

"Well it should be a nice quiet day anyway," Scott remarked.

Just then Forge, Jamie, Roberto and Ray ran into the mansion. "Keep running!" Forge shouted. He was carrying some strange apparatus.

"Relax man, I think we made it," Ray panted. "I'm pretty sure nobody saw us!"

"Yeah I think they were all too busy looking at the giant…" Jamie began to say something then noticed other people in the room. "Oh Hi Scott! Hi Logan!"

"Hello," Logan glared at the boys. "What's new?"

"Nothing," The boys said instantly.

"Really?" Scott smelled trouble. "What's that you got Forge?"

"Oh this?" Forge said. "Uh…Nothing. Just another new invention that doesn't really do anything."

"Yeah it was a bust," Ray added. "That's what we were doing. Just trying out his invention in the backyard."

"Right the backyard," Jamie nodded. "We never left the Institute."

"Yup that's what we were doing all right," Forge said. "Staying right here at the Institute, trying out an invention that doesn't work."

"That's right," Roberto said. "Ask anyone. We were here all day."

"You can tell anyone who asks we were here," Ray said. "Not anywhere else."

"And who **would** ask where you've been?" Logan folded his arms.

"Uh, besides you?" Forge gulped.

"Yes," Logan said.

"I dunno…The girls maybe?" Forge tried to come up with something.

"Trinity!" Jamie added. "They love to keep tabs on me! It's really hard to have any privacy with them stalking me."

"Yeah they're real nosy all right," Ray nodded quickly.

"Anyone else?" Logan asked. He put his face right near Roberto who was starting to sweat. "Sunspot?"

"Uh…Uh…" Roberto looked like he was trapped. "The police?"

"THE POLICE?" Scott shouted.

"Nice going dummy!" Ray smacked Roberto on the head.

"It was just an example!" Forge said quickly.

"And why would the **police **want to know where you've been?" Scott snapped.

"Well not us specifically," Ray said. "I mean any little thing that goes wrong in this town and they blame mutants for no reason!"

"It's racial profiling at it's worst pure and simple," Roberto said.

"What did you **do?**" Scott asked them.

"Nothing!" Jamie protested. "I did absolutely nothing! Nothing that anyone could prove."

"They won't if we destroy the evidence," Roberto muttered.

"Will you two shut up!" Ray shouted.

"**What **did you **do?"** Scott shouted.

"Nothing! I did nothing!" Jamie said. "They wouldn't let me touch his machine or listen to me when it started to sound funny! So it's **not **my fault!"

"WHAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT?" Logan roared.

"Guys you're not gonna believe this!" Bobby ran in. "They just found some giant mutant fish in Baker's Pond today!"

"Giant mutant **fish?"** Scott shouted.

"In Baker's Pond?" Logan was surprised. He glared at the boys. "The pond that's in the **park **where we've been **banned **from?"

"Yeah one huge, three eyed, purple fish just took a bite out of the mayor's boat while he was fishing!" Bobby nodded.

"It did **what?**" Scott looked at Bobby.

"It was one of those dinky little rowboats with an outdoor motor," Bobby said. "Really took a bite out of it. It's on the news. They even got a trout that has an ear growing on its back!"

"FREEZE!" Logan roared stopping the boys from escaping. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"It was all **his** fault!" Ray screamed as he pointed to Forge. "Him and his stupid inventions!"

"Well that's pretty much a **given** around here!" Logan shouted. "What in God's name have you done now Forge?"

"Well you know how there's been a lot of complains around town that the water supply is really starting to get contaminated?" Forge explained.

"No," Logan shook his head.

"Well it was in the paper," Forge said. "They did a survey of all the water around town and found that it had a lot of pollutants in it and the problem was growing. Then I thought maybe this is a chance to show the good things mutants can do. So I invented this machine that was supposed to get rid of all the contaminated stuff and purify the water."

"Yeah I think I see how the pieces of the puzzle are fitting together," Scott groaned.

"Well I've been using Ray and Roberto's powers to help power the machine and over the weeks it seemed to be working well…" Forge continued.

"Weeks?" Logan looked at him. "You mean you've been using one of your cockamamie inventions in the town pond for **weeks?** How many?"

"Three…Or four," Forge gulped.

"I told you not to put parts from your old shrink ray in the stupid thing!" Jamie snapped. "But did you listen? Noooooo!"

**"The shrink ray machine?"** Logan snapped.

"Just the parts that made things grow again," Forge gulped.

"The final piece of the puzzle…" Scott put his head into his hands.

"The good news is I don't think anybody saw us," Ray said. "But they still might blame us anyway."

"I told you we should have gotten better disguises than sunglasses and trench coats!" Jamie snapped.

"Oh man, we're dead!" Scott shouted. The bell for the outside gates rang and he answered by pushing on the comm button. "Yes?"

"Yeah this is the police," A voice said. "We need to talk to whoever's in charge here."

"I'll open up," Scott turned off the intercom and pressed the button to open the gates. "Well guys it looks like you'll be making a lot more things in your future. Particularly license plates!"

"Not if they hide the evidence in the back yard!" Logan groaned. "Move it! I'll deal with you boys later!" They ran for their lives.

"You're not going to let them get away with this?" Scott asked.

"Who says? I just want them in once piece when I get them in the Danger Room," Logan told him. "That'll be worse than jail! But there's no way I'm gonna tell Charles that I let the school get closed down while he was away!" He answered the door to two officers he knew. "Officer Toody. Officer Muldoon. What a surprise. Okay **who** did **what** this time?"

"Is **this **one of **yours?"** Officer Muldoon pointed to Penny who was happily gnawing and shredding an empty mailbag.

"Penny? You're supposed to be in your room!" Scott shouted. "Where was she?"

"She was chasing a few mailmen around town," Officer Muldoon said. "Normally we'd arrest her for that but the one she caught turned out to have a warrant in five states. So we've decided to let this one slide on condition that you keep this kid on some kind of leash. At least until she's housebroken."

"Which reminds me," Officer Toody said. "We're gonna send you a bill for our squad car's dry cleaning!"

"Great…" Logan rolled his eyes.

"Like what's going on?" Kitty walked in with Doug and Althea.

"Penny got loose again!" Scott told her.

"By the way we've had reports around here of dragon sightings," Officer Muldoon said. "Often in the company of a rude, drunk parrot. Anybody know anything about that?"

"Nope! Not really! That's crazy," Kitty and Althea said at the same time. Althea rolled her eyes innocently and whistled after she spoke.

"Look you can cut the act, we know they live around here okay?" Toody said. "Try to put them on a leash too! Give the squirrel population a chance to recover huh? And while we're here do any of you know about a certain incident…"

"At the pond? Nope! We know nothing about that!" Logan said quickly.

"What about the pond?" Officer Toody asked. "What?"

"Didn't you hear?" Logan blinked.

"Hear what?" Officer Muldoon asked.

"It was on the news," Bobby said. "There was a giant…"

"Boating accident," Scott said quickly. "The mayor got involved in a boating accident while fishing."

"Probably drunk again or something," Officer Muldoon grumbled.

"Or something yeah," Logan said. "So if not that what did you want to ask us about?"

"Look we admit our beat has gotten a lot more interesting since you mutants came here," Officer Toody said. "Not to mention dangerous. But we can't keep overlooking all these instances. Disturbing the peace. Wild animals and children running loose. Interfering with the mail…"

"How much this time?" Logan pulled out his wallet.

"Logan you can't bribe the police!" Scott was appalled.

"Make it an even 500 a piece," Officer Muldoon held out his hand.

"Here ya go," Logan gave them some money each. "See ya next month."

"If not sooner," Officer Toody counted his money. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"I can't believe this!" Scott gasped as Logan closed the door. "You actually bribed the cops! You realize that's illegal right? Bribes are illegal!"

"It's only a bribe if criminals do it," Althea said. "If elected officials, Pentagon Generals and wealthy people do it, its called 'Donating to the Police Retirement Fund'. And if they don't get caught on camera."

"Well maybe bribes are normal for you Althea but not what we're used to!" Scott said. "I'm shocked! You're shocked, aren't you Doug?"

"You bet I am," Doug said. "Ms. Frost used to give them an even thousand a week! Minimum! How did you guys get a discount?"

"Well they're pretty reasonable considering…" Logan began.

"WHAT? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Scott shouted. "Logan you can't just keep bribing the cops!"

"Look if we hadn't been bribing them, the cops would have closed us down long ago!" Logan snapped. "Welcome to the real world junior."

"Does the Professor know about this?" Scott's jaw dropped.

"Where do you think he gets the money from?" Althea asked.

"We didn't want to tell you until you were ready," Logan said.

"I don't believe this!" Scott gasped.

"Oh I know that look," Althea shook her head. "The first time your illusions are shattered about your parents is the hardest."

"Yeah and since the Professor and Mr. Logan are kind of like family to all of us, especially Scott…" Kitty shrugged.

"You're not shocked by this?" Scott asked Kitty.

"Scott you know my family background. Pretty much nothing shocks me anymore," Kitty said. "Besides I kind of figured it out a while back. I just didn't know exactly who was bribing the police."

"How did **you** know?" Scott asked.

"Scott we used to pass one of those guy's house on the way to school," Kitty said. "I don't know what a police officer makes but I'm pretty sure it's not enough to own a boat and a Ferrari."

"Besides how do you think the Professor has been able to get away with having all these weapons installed on the outside for so long?" Logan informed him.

"Well what if the Chief of Police finds out or something?" Scott shouted. Logan gave him a look. "You're kidding?"

"Scott it's a small town with a limited budget and an idiot for a mayor," Logan said. "How else do you think the cops can afford new equipment? Do you think it's a coincidence that the donut shop is one of the safest places in town? It's because every cop gets at least one free donut a day. Spread that out over several shifts you've got round the clock protection for under 30 bucks a day!"

"Doesn't the Professor get a lot of donuts there too every week?" Kitty asked. "So that's how he affords them all."

"I need to lie down…" Scott moaned as he walked away.

"Well he had to learn sometime," Althea shook her head as she chuckled.

The phone rang. "He'll get over it," Logan grumbled as he answered the phone in the hallway. "Ororo? Where are you? You were supposed to be back an hour ago. You would not believe how crazy…You're where? IN JAIL? WHAT HAPPENED? Well I figured it would be **Shipwreck's fault** but what did he do…?"

"Ten to one he was drunk again and made advances on her," Althea said.

"Yup," Logan listened in. "How much is bail again? That much. I'll go tell Charles and…What do you mean he already knows? HE'S IN JAIL WITH YOU TOO?"

"What did he do?" Althea was surprised. "Roll over a cop's toe?"

Logan listened on the phone then turned to her. "How did you know?" He turned back to the phone. "How did you manage to roll over a policeman's toe? How did Shipwreck start a riot? No, we didn't watch the show last night. We taped it but. For crying out loud Ororo, you know how big American Idol is around here. Of course we didn't watch the news special. Jubilee would have killed me if I changed the channel."

"Something tells me that show had more interesting banner than Ryan Seacrest," Althea snickered.

"That's not exactly a stretch," Doug remarked.

"Oh by the way," Logan sighed. "Scott finally knows about the bribes. Well the cop and the donut ones anyway. It's a long story. Let's just say we may have trouble getting mail for a while. I'll be down there in an hour. With Althea. Oh yes I know Shipwreck will love to hear that!"

"Is it always like this around here?" Doug asked.

"Pretty much," Kitty told him. "Only there are usually more explosions."


End file.
